*Blows dust off journal*
*coughs, wipes dust out of eyes*

Yeah, so.

I haven't been here for a really long time. I don't have an excuse, really, I just didn't have anything much to say. I still don't, if I'm going to be honest. The last time I was trying to figure a bunch of crap out, though, this place was pretty helpful, and I kind of find myself in that position again. So, yeah, we'll see.

I'm having trouble with a friend lately, well, not just lately, almost a year now. I've been going back and forth over how to deal with it and I'm not sure of the best course. Basically, since he got himself a girlfriend he's pretty much been a distant dick. A distant dick who takes out his frustrations on me by snapping and speaking to me like I was an obnoxious three-year-old. I hate it, but I don't know the best way to deal with it. I've tried pointing it out, letting him know when he's doing it, but he tells me I'm making it up and he isn't doing anything. He'll even do this in groups, and he won't speak to anyone else this way, only me. It's very hurtful. Now,I know on the surface this is a "he isn't really your friend if he treats you like this" thing, and I admit that's possible, but I don't think so. I dunno, it's almost more that because he knows we're good it's like I'm the safe one to let loose on. It doesn't make it ok, of course, hence my need to deal with it, but I don't think it comes from his not caring. Also, when he started seeing this girl we were really close, and were spending a lot of time together. At one point I told him I was a bit worried he would disappear on me or stop being my friend, that we wouldn't do the things we always did. Of course he swore up and down this wouldn't happen, but... Well, yeah. This I should have seen coming- I did, actually, but it still hurts. There's far less I can do about this part, though, and I think I need to just let sleeping dogs lie there for a while.

I also need a new job. I don't like where I work, the job bores me, the industry is stable but uninteresting. The problem is I have no idea what I want to do or how to go about finding a job that isn't just another crappy entry level admin job that will just be the same shit with different faces. I'm so tired of just getting stuck half a rung above where I start and ending up in positions where I can do the job, but at the same time it really doesn't use my strengths, more the things I can do well enough, but not great. The sad thing is, I only have a vague understanding of what I do really well and I have trouble translating those skill ideas into things I could actually do and get paid for.

So yeah, everything feels kinda bleh and I don't know how to fix it yet.