There is a hole in my brain somewhere and I�ve been trying to find it so I can close it up because very important things keep falling out and it is making life rather difficult. The problem is it�s a very illusive hole. I thought I had taken care of it a couple of times, but then, as soon as I think it is solved, something important falls out again and I�m back to square one. I�m sure lots of unimportant things re falling out too, but I don�t notice those as much as the important things. That�s what makes them important, I notice them. It would be easier if I could look around inside there, maybe shine a flashlight or pour water through to look for leaks. Unfortunately, my eyes are on the outside of my brain and don�t do a very good job of flipping around to look behind them and there isn�t much room for a flashlight. I need to find the hole and stop it up once and for all and I need to do it pretty soon. I�m tired of having to clean up the messes.

Self esteem is pretty low right now, mostly due to the hole. It�s ok, I�ll work through it and be just fine, but it is discouraging. I just need to fight the desire to just roll over and give up. I am stronger than the hole, I just need to remember that.

I�m working on two shows right now. One is going really well, the other is also fine, but a few things have fallen out of the hole and so I need to clean those things up so the show can go on. That�s a lot of theater work, and I have a few one-offs coming up to add to it, but I sort of need it right now. I feel competent in a theater, even when I drop important stuff on the floor, I know I can fix it, it�ll be ok. I don�t feel that way everywhere. At the same time it makes me tired, because it�s a lot of work, and being tired seems to make the hole bigger.

Maybe there�s a surgery out there I don�t know about that can fix it.

Today is Groundhog Day. Apparently we will have an early spring this year. Hopefully it will be a wet spring. All we�ve had is stupid, nasty cold; almost no rain at all.

I know this entry is no fun, I tried, I�m even listening to happy music to keep things light, but life can�t always be sunshine and roses. Right now it�s just a bit dark and gloomy.

Stupid hole.