If I Had a Million Dollars...
2005-10-13 - 5:03 p.m.

Wanna know something about 2003 Mazda Protťgťs? Their tires are really, really expensive. I know this because when I leave work today I have to pay for two new ones. Blah.

I decorated the office for Halloween, did I mention that already? Anyway, I have been getting so many compliments on it. Itís really kinda cool. Maybe Iíll tackle other holidays too. I donít really want to do Christmas, everyone does Christmas and itís all so cheesy. Maybe I can do the whole room up in Chanukah blue and silver and light Kwanzaa candles. Or maybe Iíll just stick to Halloween, it is the most fun.

Iíve come up with my Halloween costume. Now I just need to find somewhere to go. I also need to make the costume, which will actually be easy, I just need to sit down and do it. I should probably be able to get it done in one afternoon, but Iím not sure I have a full empty afternoon before Halloween. I just need to suck it up and work on it after the day job.

Hereís a quandary, why is it that when I get home from work I have absolutely no desire to do anything else at all? I know Iím tired, but at the same time, Iím not that tired and it seems like I really should be able to take a load of laundry across the street, but, like a 2 year old, I just donít wanna. I still have to do the paint elevation for the show Iíve been working on, but since I donít have a solid deadline for that yet, I just havenít done it. Itís stupid, and I should just do it already, but I donít. Itís lame, I know, but I donít know how to break this procrastination habit. Now I add the light plot for that show, which is actually about Ĺ finished already, so thatís good, and I need to put a gel list and pattern list together and work out the schematic for the computer lights, yeah, still lots to do. Now add Halloween. I usually take orders for a couple costumes for people, to make some extra cash, but Iím not sure I can this year. If I can get a lot done this weekend, Iíll be back on track. Yeah, weíll see how that goes.

I sort of feel like Iím programmed to only do one thing per day. I can go to work, OR go work at the school, OR do chores at home, OR make costumes. I canít just figure Iíll do a little bit of all of them. Very strange. I heard an interview on the radio this morning of a guy who wrote a book about how to get your brain organized so it doesnít feel so overwhelmed and forget things all the time. I may need to try reading that book. Now, if only I could remember the name of itÖ Hee. Another book; just add it to the list of things to do when not at work.

Add to all this above that being at my reunion as well as other, more sobering things that happened this week, have made me feel like Iím in a bit of a rut, but that this isnít all bad. I sort of knew about the rut part, as I have mentioned before ad nauseum, but how I viewed it has changed a bit. There is something good about having the degree of comfort I have right now, but at the same time I do need to shake things up a bit. Iíve been trying, and I know what Iíve done has been good, but I think I need to try harder, or at least differently. I think differently is more the right answer, because this sort of thing really shouldnít be hard, it should be fun, you know? The point is to make myself happier and that should not feel like work, at least not drudgy work. Iím tired of drudgy work.

My dad told me that now that I work for his school I could use the computer system to research grad schools if I want to. I think I might, if nothing else just to figure out my options. Iíve been so wishy washy on this I think if I just had a list in my hands it would feel concrete, like a real thing. It would also let me do a bit of research into my options, should I decide to study, say, arts administration instead of design, or whatever. This is really neither here nor there at this moment in time, though. I think what I really need to do is allow for ideas about the future, but focus on the presentÖ That is much harder than it sounds.

Iíll have to get back to you on my progress on that.

Well, Minion 2.0 is out of the office today, so I have to lock up all by my little self, so I need to go.

when we last left our herosÖ - in our next exciting installmentÖ