Right now I am going through the final, and for me the worst, part of the breakup. Boy Toy (He needs a new name but I don't have one yet) is sleeping with someone else. I hate this part. This is where the real sucky part begins. Now is when all I can think about is how he's with someone shiny and new and I look at my empty bed and wonder how it is that he isn't still there and if he can't be why isn't there someone better, shinier and newer in his place. Why does he get to move on first? Why can't I meet an awesome, gorgous guy in a random bar on a random night like he seems to be able to (except he met a girl, obviously)? And lastly, how do I get the random pictures of him with someone else out of my head?

My Roommate has been great. She listens to me whine and knows just the right time to say "I'll bet the girl has crabs," and the right time to say, "come on, lets head across the street for a beer."

It's been harder than usual this time, though, because I'm realizing I was still harboring a bit of a thing for him and we are also trying really hard to be friends which makes this awkward time even more so. We got into a pretty big fight over everything on Saturday. I'm still not sure how it's going to play out but we'll see. I just keep telling myself I need patience and to just let time run it's course. I also think it's time for me to really try to get out there. I'm starting to think the whole "the perfect guy will come along as soon as you just stop looking" doesn't apply to me. That's the attitude I've been taking for the last six years and, except for my brief interlude with Boy Toy, nada. Only the random hookup, nothing even resembling a relationship. I still can't bring myself to the internet for this, not yet. Prearrainged situations like that freak me out and I end up sounding like a deranged idiot. I am going to be making a more concerted effort to just "get out there" though. Not just going to our usual hole in the wall with my friends and shutting myself away at our table, just try to be out and circulating more. Now I just need to get my friends to do it with me so I'm not quite so on my own.