I'm feeling two very conflicting emotions right now. First, I went and splurged and got a massage today. I pulled a muscle in my neck last night and it was the third time in like two months or something, so I figured I should try and find the root of the problem rather than just constantly treating the symptom. I also stopped by the nursery and picked up a tomato and bell pepper plant to put in my new planter. That part of my brain is very mellow and relaxed and content with the world.
I have a conflicting part, though, that is very restless and dissatisfied right now. This part is sad and lonely and trying very hard not to take personally things that feel very personal right now but that I know really aren't. It's sort of a depressed feeling that makes me just want to get out and be with people so I stop wallowing. That is turning out to be harder than I thought.
I also have this weird jealousy thing swimming around in there too. I am really jealous of anyone I know who has a partner or any recent luck of any kind in the romance department. I feel kind of dumb just typing that but it's there and it's lame but I can't help it. I finally have a significant amount of unscheduled time and I think the whole of my situation and the past few months are really sinking in and I'm just sort of sad about it.
Anyway, I'm not sure where I'm going with all this I just sort of feel like putting it down somewhere might exorcise this demon or something.