I did very little I was supposed to this weekend. I�ve been very distracted, I just can�t focus on anything, and the few times I have been able to, I just can�t get together the will to do the action. It�s the weekend, and so maybe it�s my body just saying STOP, but at the same time, it doesn�t change the fact that some things need to get done. I go through phases like this, it sucks but it passes. Right now is n inconvenient time for one, though. I think a big part of it stems from feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Too much to do and I can�t prioritize what is the most important.

I feel like so much is running around in my head but there are no words for the thoughts. That is also frustrating because I usually have enough words. I�m trying not to give in to the frustration in stupid ways, ie. drinking or binging on ice cream or sleeping all day, though I have been oversleeping too much lately. I did buy myself a present on Saturday, ok, two presents, which helped a little bit, but it didn�t make the problems go away, you know?

I think the biggest thing is the things I�m dealing with aren�t really problems per se, just stuff that isn�t making me happy anymore. I think that really isn�t helping either, because problems have solutions, there aren�t really solutions to this crap, I just have to keep making changes until it feels right again and that is so exhausting.

I just realized I had zero caffeine today. I wonder if that�s part of why I feel so strange. I want to go to bed but I�m not sleepy. I also need to shower but I don�t want to get up. I know I�ll overcome that one, though. I�m pretty gross right now and I know I�m not that far gone yet. I went to pilates this evening, so I�ve got the whole dried sweat thing going on and I can�t get into bed without washing first.

I am looking forward to tomorrow, a little anyway. If I can get through work I�ll have a double whammy pilates followed by yoga evening. I will whip my ass into shape if it�s the last thing I do. I haven�t been talking about it too much because I�m trying to not let it take over, but I�ve lost 15 pounds at this point and it�s really starting to show. I�ve dropped one pants size and I hope to be down one more soon, as long as I hang tough and don�t give it to all my stupid emotional cravings. I call them stupid because they are really strong and they are for really bad for me things, like yummy, yummy soft, buttery empty carbohydrate bread sticks. The worst part is if I give in and eat them it�s supposed to make me feel better but it doesn�t, I just feel like I ate too much.

Anyway, it is getting late and I have to go to work tomorrow, whether I want to or not.