Well. I feel like I really need some good news. The last couple of days have been a bit rough and it isn�t like anything horribly tragic has occurred, but it really just feels like everything is piling up over my head and it�s ready to fall at any minute. I hate feeling overwhelmed, it makes me want to just crawl under the covers and stay there curled up in a ball until everything goes away. I don�t really want to, but I may come into work on Saturday for a little while, even if they won�t pay me. I don�t so much want to work per say, but I do want to rearrange everything and get things clean and orderly and that just can�t happen during work hours, doesn�t matter how hard I try. That�s part of the overwhelming stuff and I think even though it is completely superficial it will help me feel a lot better and for me that is worth an hour of my time on my day off. At least right now it is.

It isn�t even just work that�s bugging me. I feel like everything in all my arenas are coming to a head all at once and I can�t get my head around all of it to fix everything. My taxes need to be done and that means sorting receipts and everything, my money situation got all screwed up, granted that�s my fault, sorta, but at the same time I wasn�t the only factor there�stupid SBC not putting through my direct payment and stupid MCI not changing the mailing address on the bill, grumble grumble�but it�s gotten all messed up and it needs to be fixed and I�ve never been very good with numbers or money. My house is a huge mess, like I really can�t handle it mess (which is impressive for me) but I haven�t had enough time at home to even do a load of laundry so that eats away. The show I;m working on just isn�t coming together the way I want it to, it doesn�t suck, but it isn�t quite right yet, either, and that is the worst. I would rather it suck completely so I know that I need to start over. Also, work is doing it�s yearly audit so I have to keep getting asked about things that happened last January and I can�t remember anything that far back, not to mention I�m just stone tired so my temper and patience are pretty much gone at this point so all of these little things, in and of themselves not too bad to deal with, are just making me want to cry and move home with my parents and be 10 again.

I did have one really awesome thing happen that made me very happy and restored some of my faith in humanity. A couple of weeks ago (two maybe?) I lost my paycheck. I thought I had accidentally thrown it away with some other junk or had put it through the washer or something because I couldn�t find it anywhere. I had just given up and was trying to think of the least embarrassing way to ask accounting to reissue it when, suddenly it shows up! I must have dropped it because a really nice person from a bakery not too far from my office found it and put it in the mail back to me. Isn�t that so nice? I actually didn�t open the envelope for a few days because I�ve been getting home so late and I didn�t recognize the return address, so I was even more surprised when I opened it. I got the person a card and I�m going to send it to the bakery to thank them. I think I�m even going to get a card to Peet�s or something to throw in there. It was so nice of them to do and they really didn�t have to. They could�ve just thrown it away or tried to cash it themselves but they didn�t! They took the time to send it back and that made me all warm and fuzzy inside. I think that really kept me from snapping the other day.

So, anyway, that is that. I needed to get it out there and out of my head so I could continue on with finding year old invoices without bursting into tears for no real reason. Now I just need to keep telling myself �it�s not that bad�it�s not that bad�it�s not that bad�it�s not that bad�� also, lunch time, so Iam going to go take a nap.