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It's not that bad...It's not that bad...
2005-04-07 - 1:17 p.m.

Well. I feel like I really need some good news. The last couple of days have been a bit rough and it isnít like anything horribly tragic has occurred, but it really just feels like everything is piling up over my head and itís ready to fall at any minute. I hate feeling overwhelmed, it makes me want to just crawl under the covers and stay there curled up in a ball until everything goes away. I donít really want to, but I may come into work on Saturday for a little while, even if they wonít pay me. I donít so much want to work per say, but I do want to rearrange everything and get things clean and orderly and that just canít happen during work hours, doesnít matter how hard I try. Thatís part of the overwhelming stuff and I think even though it is completely superficial it will help me feel a lot better and for me that is worth an hour of my time on my day off. At least right now it is.

It isnít even just work thatís bugging me. I feel like everything in all my arenas are coming to a head all at once and I canít get my head around all of it to fix everything. My taxes need to be done and that means sorting receipts and everything, my money situation got all screwed up, granted thatís my fault, sorta, but at the same time I wasnít the only factor thereÖstupid SBC not putting through my direct payment and stupid MCI not changing the mailing address on the bill, grumble grumbleÖbut itís gotten all messed up and it needs to be fixed and Iíve never been very good with numbers or money. My house is a huge mess, like I really canít handle it mess (which is impressive for me) but I havenít had enough time at home to even do a load of laundry so that eats away. The show I;m working on just isnít coming together the way I want it to, it doesnít suck, but it isnít quite right yet, either, and that is the worst. I would rather it suck completely so I know that I need to start over. Also, work is doing itís yearly audit so I have to keep getting asked about things that happened last January and I canít remember anything that far back, not to mention Iím just stone tired so my temper and patience are pretty much gone at this point so all of these little things, in and of themselves not too bad to deal with, are just making me want to cry and move home with my parents and be 10 again.

I did have one really awesome thing happen that made me very happy and restored some of my faith in humanity. A couple of weeks ago (two maybe?) I lost my paycheck. I thought I had accidentally thrown it away with some other junk or had put it through the washer or something because I couldnít find it anywhere. I had just given up and was trying to think of the least embarrassing way to ask accounting to reissue it when, suddenly it shows up! I must have dropped it because a really nice person from a bakery not too far from my office found it and put it in the mail back to me. Isnít that so nice? I actually didnít open the envelope for a few days because Iíve been getting home so late and I didnít recognize the return address, so I was even more surprised when I opened it. I got the person a card and Iím going to send it to the bakery to thank them. I think Iím even going to get a card to Peetís or something to throw in there. It was so nice of them to do and they really didnít have to. They couldíve just thrown it away or tried to cash it themselves but they didnít! They took the time to send it back and that made me all warm and fuzzy inside. I think that really kept me from snapping the other day.

So, anyway, that is that. I needed to get it out there and out of my head so I could continue on with finding year old invoices without bursting into tears for no real reason. Now I just need to keep telling myself ďitís not that badÖitís not that badÖitís not that badÖitís not that badÖĒ also, lunch time, so Iam going to go take a nap.

when we last left our herosÖ - in our next exciting installmentÖ